Getting it right or finding something?

I recently heard a quote by musician Yo-Yo Ma that refers to his lifetime commitment to playing the cello. After 60 years of playing and mastering his craft he says it’s less about “getting it right” and more about “finding something.” Less about playing the perfect concert and more about the experience. Isn’t this what the journey of life should be about? 

Goals are great. Accolades are amazing. Winning is wonderful. They give us a sense of accomplishment and boost our confidence. But once attained, what’s next? In our search for perfection, we often lose sight of what’s truly important - the experience along the way. 

I was reminded of this while working out the other day. Not happy that my 53 year old body wasn’t responding the way I wanted it to, I started down the path of a weight loss goal and how I wanted my body to look for an upcoming trip to Costa Rica. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight and look better, I can’t let that be the driving force for me to workout. I was focused more on outcomes than the actual workout itself. And when I do that, my workout isn’t much fun. The practice of moving my body should be driven by how I want to feel, as opposed to how I want to look. 

It’s similar to writing a book. Of course I wanted to write something I would be proud of, but if I was too focused on trying to write the perfect book or hitting sales targets, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the process of writing so much. This turned writing the book into a “want to” experience as opposed to a “have to” one. The less I cared about how the book would be received, the more I wrote for myself. This is where true motivation comes from. 

Process not product. Progress not perfection. Experience not outcomes. So much of my life has been spent trying to accomplish something or prove something. It’s only been the past few years where I’ve embraced the journey and truly savoured the beauty of my experiences in the process. 

All of this teaches me to slow down and be more fully present in my life, regardless of what I am doing. When I live with intention and focus my energy on the people and things that make me whole, I begin to walk my path on a completely different level. I feel lighter. I feel more connected. Regardless of what it is I am doing. 

This is when I crossed a threshold into living life more consciously. 

When I live more consciously, I am…

…more aware of the impact my words and actions have on my children, resulting in a healthy relationship, allowing me to truly savour the time I spend with them.

…fully present with my special friend (I’m too old to have a girlfriend), being attentive, caring, and most importantly, connected.

…generous with my friends in giving of my time and energy to them while being my authentic self.

…immersed in my writing, walking, running, cooking, gardening, and all the things that make me whole, finding pure joy in the beauty each moment holds. 

This doesn’t mean I am dialed in all the time. However, when it comes to the things that are most important to me, I want to be dialed in. So for me, living consciously means being aware, present, generous, and immersed. This is what I want to embody when it comes to the things that matter in my life. Have you ever asked yourself that question? What do I embody when it comes to the things that matter most to me? 

What do I embody when it comes to the things that matter most to me? 

As much as I still want to “get things right” my priorities have shifted to “finding something.” Finding a deeper experience. Finding meaning. Finding a sense of calm and peace within that leaves me feeling whole. Don’t get me wrong, “getting it right” is still important to me. But it can’t be the sole driving force behind how I approach my life and especially the things that I value the most. 

There’s no medal for being a great dad. No trophy for being a supportive and caring partner to the love of my life. No recognition for being a solid friend. And there’s definitely no certificate for taking care of my mind, body, and soul. The reward is in how amazing I feel when I’m with these people and doing the things I love to do. 

In each of these areas within my life - a father, a lover, a friend, and a healthy, engaged, human being - the journey is so much more rewarding and enriching than any kind of award I could ever receive. And the more I focus on the experience, perhaps what I am truly “finding” is myself. 

Invitation

Thank you for taking the time to check out my Substack. I’ll be posting more content and sharing my thoughts on all things related to the human experience as well as topics focused on men’s health and well-being. If you’d like to know more about me, my coaching practice, upcoming workshops, or you’d simply like to connect, feel free to reach out to me directly at joe@unum1.ca. Or, visit my website for more info.